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The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps on the bar and eats a very old olive that was there.

The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He ate that disgusting olive!”

The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.

A few days later the man and the monkey return to the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps on the pool table and swallows the white ball.

The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He swallowed the white ball!”

The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.

A week later, the man and the monkey return to the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer.

The monkey jumps on the bar, takes a cherry, sticks it up to his b-u.t.t, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender says, “This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Your monkey stuck that cherry up his b-u.t.t and ate it.”

The man says, “Yes, he measures everything first ever since the white ball incident”

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

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Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son,

Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

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